My brain keeps stopping me from going back to work. It’s asking me what-ifs like:
- what if you’re really not needed anymore?
- what if you’re not doing enough?
- what if you just quit your job and become a stay-at-home-wife for comfort?
I know these thoughts are due to my anxiety, but at least today it’s clear to me that it’s just my brain trying to protect me from perceived danger in the form of ‘change’. Every now and then it questions my situations.
Am I really doing a good job?
Am I really worth what they’re paying me for?
Do these people really value me?
And despite of the actual affirmations I receive from my colleagues, my brain always loves doing a reality-check.
I think my brain is checking if I’m really going into the new year with the same job. Looool
I’m prone to being hasty in leaving jobs, especially if it gives me lots of stress. This job has a good amount of stress though as we’re not too busy this season.
I guess my brain’s not used to me sticking to something for a long time. Like I only have a threshold before I jump into another new thing. Hehehe
I guess it’s a good sign that I’m able to challenge my anxiety and my perception of comfort zone. I guess it also helps that I’m reading How To Do The Work by Dr. Nicole Le Pera (@the.holistic.psychologist). It has provided insights on trauma response, on how the brain reacts to change, and how we can take control of such responses. I’m aiming to finish reading the book in the first quarter of this year!